admin, Author at Fired Up Coaching

How to cope when you get knocked back at work

by admin | Oct 31, 2018 | career change, Coaching

I’m sure we’ve all been there at one time or another; overlooked for the longed-for promotion, passed-over for a more suitable model or moved ‘sideways’ under the guise of a move up – so what do you do about it when it happens to you?

No doubt there will be feelings of shock, anger, disappointment or inadequacy – it’s how you deal with it that will shape the rest of your career.

WALK AWAY OR GIVE UP?

You could find yourself in trouble if you allow those feelings to overpower you. Feelings of ill-will can lead to workplace resentment which, in turn, could lead to the deliberate undermining of colleagues or the person who got ‘your job’.

What we should be doing in these difficult times is examining why we have been ‘overlooked’, the easier option however is to allow bitterness and anger to creep in, or the green-eyed monster to take control. As a result, work relationships start to erode and, more worryingly, your own self esteem and maybe even integrity.

It might be easy to avoid the fact you’ve started engaging in work-place sabotage or passive-aggressive behaviour; on the surface doing your job whilst at the same time, doing your best to make life difficult for those you’ve decided are at fault. In short, acting like a sulky child who didn’t get what they wanted.

Even if you truly love the company you work for, this behaviour can only result in your own unhappiness, increased resentment and ultimately may end in resignation or dismissal.

WHAT’S THE ALTERNATIVE?

OK, so you may have just received, in your view, a monumental slap-in-the-face by not being promoted, given the new project or moved to your dream role, but this is a good time to sit yourself down and ask why? Why was I overlooked? What did the person who got the job have that I don’t?

These are difficult questions to ask, mainly because no-one wants to feel they are second-best or have to face their own shortcomings however, asking those questions is essential if you want to grow into the person who is able to take these setbacks and learn from them.

Sit down with your boss and find out why you were overlooked; what do you need to improve upon, what could you have done differently, where are your skill gaps?

Armed with this information you can start to look at things objectively; to re-frame, refocus, and thereby move forward to a more rewarding role within your existing company, or a more challenging and lucrative role somewhere else – ultimately to grow into the person you want, and need, to be.

Nicola Lyle is the Managing Director of Fired Up Careers and an Executive Coach & Leadership Trainer. She started her career in the drinks industry where she worked for over 15 years in sales and customer marketing. She has been a qualified and practicing coach since 2005, was a trainer for the Ministry of Defence for 3 years in Germany and currently works as a leadership and management trainer working with Executives in a wide range of industries.

You can contact her at Nicola@firedupcoaching.org or find Fired Up Careers on Instagram or take a look at www.firedupcareers.org

Re-starting My Career At 39

by admin | Jul 26, 2018 | career change

I was 39, I’d had a little girl and then we’d been living in Germany for 6 years with my husbands job, now we were back in the UK and it was time to re-start my career.

During those 6 years I’d had a coaching practice and lovely clients that had moved with me as we’d gone from Germany to the UK and back to another part of Germany, but with the 2nd move back to Germany I’d decided to park my business. It felt too much moving it all of the time and I had this need to be around people more on a daily basis, so I was a trainer for the MOD for a few years and worked in the leadership team of a school for a short while.

What wasn’t happening for me as a 39 year old woman, was a sense of identity, of understanding who I was anymore and what I had to offer (even Career Coaches have their off days!). All I knew when we landed back in the UK was I needed my independence again. I wanted to work in an office with other people, where I didn’t need to think about house stuff and I wanted a sense of having a traditional career that was going somewhere. Basically I wanted to feel like my best career years weren’t behind me.

So what did I have to offer I wondered. Well before becoming a mummy and then Germany I had worked in the drinks industry in Customer Marketing, and I was very experienced. However I’d now had a break of 7 years from the UK workplace and I didn’t really know how to position myself. Plus, I was a year off 40 and that had to matter, would they even want me in the drinks industry at that age I wondered.

I decided to hedge my bets and apply for a role at the same level at which I’d left, maybe even slightly lower. Luckily for me, the guy who was supposed to be interviewing me on the day was sick and his boss saw me instead. After reading my CV he asked me why I was applying for a job at this level, I was honest and told him I hadn’t known how to pitch myself. He asked me to go away and consider a more senior role he had coming up and a month or so later, I started.

Without realising it, my confidence in my abilities in corporate life had hit the floor. I couldn’t tell you when it happened, it just did and I don’t think it took very long either. My sense of identity was shot. I remember waiting to go in for the interview and watching all these beautiful people waft by in their trendy clothes….when I lived there German fashion was slightly dated…..I felt out of step, old fashioned and when I took the job, I then wondered whether I was out of my depth. Imagine the changes in technology in 7 years, there’d been a few. And yes of course I’d used computers in the interim but not to the same level as was expected at work.

If I’d stopped and thought about all or any of these things that were bothering me – the lack of confidence, unclear on my direction, skill fade, feeling out of place, not sure I looked the part – I’m not sure I’d have made it out of the door to the interview. But I did and one thing I can tell you, is that all of these concerns fade, as quickly as they come they go when you’re taking action.

My first month was a massive learning curve where I was adapting at work, but also at home. I just couldn’t do everything I’d done before now I had a full time job, so some changes had to be made and that was difficult for everyone, my 6 year old and husband included. Was it wrong, selfish of me to want this job? I don’t think so. It was my route back to myself and I grabbed it like a lifeline.

Within 5 months I’d been promoted and given a permanent role to lead the team, and with my confidence back in full flow I knew I deserved it and was capable of doing it too.

So if you find yourself in that space where you’ve had a significant career break, what are my tips to you?

Write down everything you’ve done or achieved, including things outside of work. Put it up on the wall at home where you see it everyday and make yourself look at it to remind you of how capable you are
Hire a coach to support and guide you in understanding the right type of work for you, don’t waste time flitting from one job to the next
Have your CV updated by a professional
See a clothes stylist if you can to update your wardrobe, John Lewis have personal stylists you can book. If you look the part you’ll feel the part
Have your hair and make up refreshed
Get your family on board in reassigning responsibilities around the home, before you start the job!
Concentrate on what you can do, what you’re good at in interviews
Believe in yourself

Good Luck! If you need any help getting your career back on track, drop me a line, I’d love to help you.

Nicola Lyle is the Managing Director of Fired Up Careers and an Executive Coach & Leadership Trainer. She started her career in the drinks industry where she worked for over 15 years in sales and customer marketing. She has been a qualified and practicing coach since 2005 and was a trainer for the Ministry of Defence for 3 years in Germany.

Nicola is hugely passionate about helping people to have the career that fulfils and empowers them to live their best life. She offers Leadership Training & Executive Career Coaching, plus occasional retreats. Just drop her a line, she’d love to help you get your career on track.
You can contact her at Nicola@firedupcoaching.org, or find Fired Up Careers on Instagram as firedupcareers or take a look at www.firedupcareers.org

Should There Be Earnings Equality For All?

by admin | Jun 17, 2018 | career change

More than 10,000 large firms have now supplied data in relation to earnings as required by the Government Equalities Office. There have been some interesting statistics come out of the data* including:

3/4 of all companies who submitted data pay men more than women
Only 14% of the 10,000 reported a pay gap in favour of women
Not only do 3/4 of men receive more pay than women, men also receive higher bonuses than women
Men take the majority of higher paid jobs
Education has a 20% high pay gap (in some cases men were paid twice as much as women)
The Finance sector has the biggest bonus pay gap where women were paid 35% less than men

Some of this won’t have come as much of a surprise to the women reading this and some of it may well have done. A few years ago I worked alongside a male colleague who was doing exactly the same role as me, however I was under no illusion there was equality of pay. Guess what, I was ok with it. Yes he had a couple more reportees than me, it wasn’t that though. He had spent longer in the role and I recognised he was therefore more experienced and should be paid accordingly. I don’t believe this is always about gender either. I know of women who have been doing the same job and again, there has been inequality of pay.

So I wonder, what should set pay scales apart? Should it be the depth of experience in the role, the value of the results you deliver, or should there be complete parity across the board, no matter what?

In my humble opinion, the question should really be, regardless of gender, what value do you add? What are you doing to set yourself apart from the rest of your colleagues? Is it enough to turn up to work on time, do a good job and go home… or should we be taking the time to strategise our future and what we bring to the table?

If you’re happy with the status quo, to pick up your pay cheque and go home, this article isn’t really for you. The readers I’m talking to are those of you who are interested in developing yourself, growing, feeling a sense of achievement and striving to add value to whatever you do, whether for yourself or an employer.

Consciously Creating Your Future

Stop now and think about who you want to be today, and also tomorrow. What is your vision for your career? Where do you see yourself going? How much do you want to earn? Who would you love to work with? What would you love to do? What are your secret dreams?

More importantly, how are you going to bring these aspirations and dreams to reality? Is there a place for them in your current environment or should you be planning your next career move because sometimes, even when we are adding value and doing everything we can to support the business, there still isn’t equality and we’re not always getting paid our worth.

You may not have the answers right now, but simply taking the time to ponder these questions and be curious about what the answer might be, will set you apart from Mr/Ms Average and start you on your quest of adding value. Why? Because most people drift through their career journey with their eyes closed, simply reacting to whatever life/business throws at them. You on the other hand, will be consciously creating your future. Which one do you think brings real results?

If you would like a head start on where to focus your efforts for an aligned and fulfilled career, where you feel you are adding value and being paid your worth, please get in touch to book a Career Strategy session and discuss putting your career on the right path for you.

*Source: BBC News Gender Pay Gap: Six Things We’ve Learnt by Clara Guibourg

Nicola is hugely passionate about helping people to have the career that fulfils and empowers them to live their best life. She offers Executive coaching, group coaching programmes and occasional retreats. Just drop her a line, she’d love to help you get your career on track.
You can contact her at Nicola@firedupcoaching.org, or find Fired Up Careers on Instagram as firedupcareers or take a look at www.firedupcareers.org

13 Reasons To Work Out The Right Career For You

by admin | Apr 20, 2018 | career change

Deciding on a career change is a big decision and it takes time too as these things don’t happen overnight, especially if you want to do it properly. Getting support to ensure you’re making the right move might seem a bit indulgent and you might find yourself thinking ‘I can do this myself, how difficult can it be?’. Well yes you can do it on your own, though you might find yourself making a move now and then another and another, because you still don’t feel you’ve hit on the right career for you. So here are 13 reasons I believe you should work out the right career for you, with me.

1.You’ll Have A Map

Rather than drifting from one career to another, willy nilly, you’ll know why you are where you are, and how it does or doesn’t fit into your career plan.

2. You’ll Feel Aligned

The role you’re doing will feel right. You’ll get up in the morning, go to work and feel like you’re in the right place for you.

3. You’ll Know Yourself So Much Better

How often do we take the time to think about what we like, what we don’t like, what lights us up and what we want in our future? Defining your dream career will give you the time and space to think about this.

4. Your Confidence Will Sky Rocket

Simply by taking the time to get to know yourself better and what you want, your confidence will soar, especially as you start taking action and doing what you are committed to do.

5. You’ll Have A Renewed Vigour For Life

Don’t ask me why or how, this just happens when people take the course and get clear on what they want in life and where they’re going. They start getting Fired Up in all areas of their life!

6. You’ll Be More Organised

With a plan to work to you know what you have to do and when, and even better you’re motivated to actually do it! By the end of the programme you will be raring to go.

7. You Become Uber Focussed

All other distractions simply fade away. No more pursueing 2/3/4 potential ideas. You know what matters and what you need to focus on, everything else is just noise.

8. You Might Feel A Teensy Bit Smug

You’ve done the work, you know what you’re doing and where you’re going, this suddenly makes you very aware of how scattered others are around you, or how they’re just drifting…..

9. You Feel Fulfilled

This feels great, finally you’re working towards doing a job you have set out to do, one you know hits all the right points for you (location, type of work, environment, even what you want to wear to work!) and it feels good.

10. You Feel Your Career Is Going Somewhere

At last. No more feelings of drifting or just going through the motions in a job you hate. You have a purpose and a plan, and you’re on the right track.

11. You Might Feel Annoyed With Yourself

Sometimes clients Define Their Dream Career and the career that comes up for them is the one they were dreaming of 10 years ago. Does this mean the programme was wrong? No. It means you’ve wasted a lot of time. Realising this can be annoying and frustrating.

12. You Have Support

This isn’t you at home, alone, trawling through the job ads, desperately looking for something, anything, to inspire you. You have me, your coach, supporting and guiding you through the process. I’ve got your back and I’m going to do my best to help you find the career to light you up.

13. It’s Fun

Yes, honestly. You really will enjoy Defining Your Dream Career. Whether you go through the programme 1-1 or in a group you will enjoy the process and look forward to your next session, everyone does.

If you would like to know when the next Define Your Dream Career Programme is taking place you can email Nicola@firedupcoaching.org

Nicola Lyle is an Executive Coach & Career Strategist. She started her career in the drinks industry where she worked for over 15 years in sales and customer marketing. She has been a qualified and practicing coach since 2005, was a trainer for the Ministry of Defence for 3 years in Germany and currently works as a leadership and management trainer working with Executives in a wide range of industries.

You can contact her at Nicola@firedupcoaching.org, find her on Instagram as firedupcoaching or take a look at www.firedupcoaching.org

Help, I Work For A Bully!

by admin | Apr 4, 2018 | Uncategorized

When we talk about bullying we think of children at school, right? Maybe not. What about adults, adults being bullied at work more specifically?

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if the experiences we’re having at work are normal, to be expected, or bordering on something less acceptable.

Years ago in my first job after University I worked in a sales promotions agency as an exec and had the misfortune to report into a lady who would give me various instructions of things to do, then if they went wrong she would lie and say I had done them off my own back. She spoke to me like I was a piece of dirt and I was miserable as sin. I remember thinking ‘is this it, is this the world of work, is this how people treat each other?’ One day she was rumbled, one of the Directors witnessed her behaviour towards me and I felt a sense of relief that people would realise I wasn’t the calamity she was making me out to be. I can’t remember the straw that broke the camel’s back but one day I woke up, looked in the mirror and thought that’s it. I handed in my notice that day.

That was my first experience of working for a bully. But what is bullying?

There is no real definition of bullying however Wikipedia classifies it as follows ‘Bullying is the use of force, threat or coercion to abuse, intimidate or aggressively dominate others. The behaviour is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception by the bully or by others of an imbalance of social or physical power.’

There are various forms of bullying which can include verbal, non-verbal, psychological, physical abuse and humiliation. What does that look like in the real world?

Similar to my experience it could be someone falsely accusing you of errors in your work
Being given the silent treatment, or excluded from meetings
Being intimidated non-verbally through staring or glaring
Being shouted at for no reason at all, or experiencing mood swings from them – happy one minute, passive aggressive the next
Having your ideas ridiculed or dismissed without being heard
Constant criticism of your work
Being on the receiving end of different standards….your expenses being dissected, others’ barely being glanced at
Taking the credit for your work
Making unrealistic demands such as that you drive through blizzards to get to work, regardless of how much danger that might put you in

Sounds like a miserable environment to work in doesn’t it. And it certainly has an effect on us too. The Workplace Bullying Institute identified the following effects of workplace bullying: stress, fear, emotional exhaustion, panic attacks, clinical depression, loss of concentration, pervasive sadness, insomnia and migraine headaches.

So why would we put up with this sort of experience? Well sometimes we don’t realise that bullying is taking place and sometimes it boils down to a lack of self confidence and fear. Fear of…..

loss of job
loss of money
people not supporting our claims
wondering what our next employer would think if they knew we had complained
what will happen if we lodge a formal complaint
maybe we’re being weak
maybe we should be trying harder
maybe this is normal and we’re reading too much into things

If you’re experiencing any of this behaviour it is not normal, it is not acceptable, it is not respectful and you are not weak or reading too much into things. In fact Maarit Varitia, a workplace bullying researcher found that 20% of interviewees who experienced workplace bullying thought they became a target because they were different. Maybe they spoke out about things they disagreed with, maybe they were quieter than others thought they should be, maybe they just rubbed someone up the wrong way. Doesn’t matter, none of it is acceptable.

So what can you do if you’re on the receiving end of bullying, well the first thing is to Recognise the Behaviour. Call it what it is and realise that this is what is going on. Then what… Patricia Barnes who wrote ‘Surviving Bullies, Queen Bees and Psychopaths in the Workplace’ suggests the following:

Ground Yourself – stay calm when the bullying is actually taking place. The bully is looking for a reaction of some sort from you, don’t give them one.
Write It All Down – keep detailed records of who said what, when and where. You may need this further down the line if you choose to take out a grievance procedure. Did anyone hear what they said to you? If so make a note of their name and the date.
Turn The Tables – use their own words on them. If they say ‘you always make mistakes like this’ ask them ‘what would you have done differently’.
Find A Champion – speak to someone in HR or another superior or leader in the organisation who can step in for you and speak to them.
Escalate Your Complaint – read your employers guide to employee welfare and see if they have a policy for bullying and harassment, then use it.

Ultimately, don’t put up with this. When I left the agency all those years ago, it led me into a career I had never considered before. There are always brighter things around the corner so don’t stay with anything that is making you miserable because you think you won’t find anything better. You will.

And if you’re reading this and recognise your own behaviour, take a minute to think about this. Your job in any management or leadership role is to develop your people. A happy, thriving, high performing team can only reflect well on you. Equally, one in which your people are miserable, treading on eggshells and avoiding you also sends a very clear message to the business and your colleagues about your performance and capability as a leader. Now how would you like to be seen?

You can contact her at Nicola@firedupcoaching.org, find her on Instagram as firedupcoaching or check out www.firedupcoaching.org